Sherry A. Phillips

Suspense Author

When Opposites Attract

opposites

When opposites attract sounds either romantic or like it’s an equation for disaster right?

Not necessarily.

I have thought often about why people who on the surface seem to be so different, end up together. For instance, one day last week, I was on a website and made a comment that my husband was further to the right than Rush Limbaugh; however, I was not affiliated with a political party, considered myself a Libertarian-leaning person who was fiscally conservative and socially liberal. Someone immediately replied and said, “I could never be married to someone who doesn’t share my values.”

That made me sit back and think. Do I have the same values as my husband?

I love being outside and doing outside things. My husband prefers the dojo of a martial arts studio. I want to learn to surf, my husband wants to learn to shoot a gun properly. I am mostly vegan. My husband is the biggest carnivore on the planet. My preferred clothes are shorts, tshirt and bare feet. My husband enjoys wearing a suit. So what makes our marriage of almost 20 years work?

We share many of the same values and I trust my husband with my life. We both love our family and we share a commitment to our children and our family unit. We share our love of God and our church. We both love dogs. We enjoy a warmer climate and the beach. I pull him into experiences he otherwise would probably not experience and he pulls me into experiences I might not otherwise experience. We’re both writers. We stretch each other (ask him about our skycoaster ride, or parasailing adventure in Key West). We are committed to each other and helping each other realize our professional goals.

The only problem I encountered in our marriage over the years is that over time, I lost my sense of self. I would question aspects of my life over the years, but until I did the program “Dress Your Truth” I did not realize how much I was morphing into a personality that was not me.

I am a Type 1 Energy. The short description of this Type is bubbly, fresh, happy and optimistic. Once I realized this, it made perfect sense that when I would go on auditions for roles I would hear casting directors say, “You have a great Goldie Hawn quality about you.” I heard that phrase quite often. When I married my husband, I think I lost that part of myself. My husband is very political. Politics is filled with negative energy, which is completely opposite from who I am as a person.

For a long time, I helped my husband with his political business; however, it made me sick. Literally, sick. I broke out in a rash, I got cysts on both eyes until my eyes were almost shut closed and after one event I helped him organize, I was so ill, I could not get out of bed for 3 days. This same event had my husband’s energy so high I thought he would bust through the roof.

I finally went to the doctor and she told me, “I don’t know what you are doing, but everything you are experiencing is from stress. Whatever it is you are doing is opposite from who you are as a person and it’s manifesting in all of this. You need to stop.”

I went home, told my husband I could no longer help him with his politics and within a week, all of my symptoms disappeared.

That’s how important being true to your nature and yourself is. Your body can quite literally reject that lifestyle by making you sick. It’s not worth it.

I know my husband loves me, regardless of our differences and maybe even, because of them. He gives me the freedom to be who I am and I give him the freedom to be who he is. I believe we are better people because of our differences.

I think the important thing to remember in relationships like ours is to remember why you fell in love with that person to begin with and not focus on how you are different. Learn from your differences, learn to accept that you are two different people and embrace it, learn from it and love one another unconditionally.

I love this quote from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 …

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

May everyone find such a love, whether you are “opposites” or not.

About sherry

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