Sherry A. Phillips

Suspense Author

The Secret To A Long Marriage

The Secrets of a Long-Lasting Marriage

What does it take to make a marriage last 30, 40, 50 years or longer?

Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. Notice I did not say, 20 years of wedded bliss or 20 years married to the greatest man on the face of the planet.

We were celebrating 20 years of building a life together and not quitting on each other.

Wedding Anniversary Dessert

I enjoyed a decadent dessert while out celebrating the secret to a long marriage, our 20th wedding anniversary.

While we were enjoying our decadent dessert after a decadent meal (it was a special occasion after all), our waitress came over and said, “Do you mind if I ask y’all a question?” We said sure! She said she was getting married in August and wanted to know what was the “secret” to staying together for 20 years because all of her friends have been married, and eventually divorced.

My response?

Don’t quit.

She looked at me with a bit of confusion and repeated, “Don’t quit.”

“Yes,” I replied. “Don’t quit.”

The Secret To A Long Marriage

The Secret to a Long Marriage – It’s not all rose gardens and romantic strolls on the beach for the rest of your life.

Marriage is not all rose petals and sweet, romantic strolls down sandy beaches. Truthfully, marriage is not for the faint-hearted. It’s not for the weak. It sometimes means you will be hanging on by your nails and praying you get through this adventure without coming apart at the seams.

It’s dirty work. It’s roll up your sleeves and get down in the trenches and fight for your marriage and your family with everything you’ve got, even if sometimes it feels as though you are fighting for it alone.

Many years ago Barbara Walters was interviewing Paul Newman and asked how he and Joanne Woodward managed to have one of those rare long-lasting Hollywood marriages. His response was spot on.

He said that these days we live in a throw away society. If the the toaster breaks, you throw it away and buy a new one. If the refrigerator breaks down, you throw it away and buy a new one. And if your marriage breaks down, you get divorced and find someone new. We (he and wife Joanne Woodward) fix the toaster. We fix the refrigerator. And when something goes wrong in our marriage, we fix our marriage.

I also recommended she purchase “Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian. It has been a life-saver in my marriage.

The only secret to having a long-lasting marriage is don’t quit. Keep praying, keep forgiving, keep remembering why you got married to begin with.

I do not believe that those people who have been married 30, 40 and 50 years had perfect lives from the time they married until they died. They just worked through whatever problems arose and stayed with it, moved past the problems and kept going.

The Secret to a long marriage

Love and Romance isn’t all that’s needed to stay married for a long time.

My advice is not romantic. It’s probably not what she was looking for. I’m sure she expected me to say, “Never go to bed angry” or “Leave romantic notes in his lunchbox” or “Always tell each other how much they mean to you.”

Those things can help, but sooner or later, everyone hits a rough patch in their marriage and the only thing that will save it, is your and your spouse’s commitment to stay.

Have a blessed day.

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